she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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