that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
