I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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