I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
