I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
