ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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