woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
