god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am midnight drunk by noon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
