So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
