My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
