I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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