my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
