apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
