just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
