Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
