It's like God shit irony all over that family
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
