My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
