He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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