PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
