remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
