the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
