my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
