I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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