So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I forget how to act sober
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
