just tell him i said nine months
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
