How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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