at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
