today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
