What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
