So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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