I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
