What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
