So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
