so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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