LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Randomize
