literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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