you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize