We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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