I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
