this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm too high and old for this...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
