Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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