I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
