The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
