she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
