I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
