I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
