I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
