Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
