definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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