sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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