do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
