its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
