no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
