what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
