I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
