It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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