Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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