Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
