I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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