I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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