so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
