Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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