His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize