You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
my liver is dry heaving
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
