i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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