hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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