Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
