shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
