is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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