Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
