please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize