i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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