and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
