I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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