highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
