He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
