Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
