She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
