is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
