i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
