Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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