Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
