What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
