I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
