how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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