guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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