So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
