I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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