I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
