kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
