The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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