I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
