i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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