a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
