That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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