somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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