So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
