i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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