Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
