I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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