Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
