I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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